Hello World!
… One of my majors requires (not explicitly, but very implicitly) that we develop a practice of making our own stuff without external forces pushing us to do so. While this is awesome, and probably one of the best things to have going on in art school, it really means we have to step up and tackle the world and ourselves in a serious manner. (Not always serious, but at least as far as taking ourselves serious as stuff-makers goes).
So, one of my projects for this year is a short film. Starting with the guidelines of some cool, fast-paced cinematography, some simple, flashy effects work, and a bitchin’ fight scene with weapons and unique choreography, I banged this out in a few weeks near the end of August, and would looove some feedback.
Originally I wasn’t going for heavy story or even fully-fleshed emotional tones, but now that I’ve gotten out the first draft, I’m open to developing that stuff and really the whole thing in almost any direction. That said, I like the piece as it is now, and I do want to keep things short and concise, while also trying to pack a punch (both metaphorically and literally).
So, please attack this with fervor and excitement, and I’d love to hear what you’ve got to say in the comments.
Also, check out Scribd.com if you like the PDF-embedding doo-hickey I used above. I used the iPaper plugin to add the document into WordPress.
I really liked this. The concept is interesting and has Matheson/Bradbury 1950s short story feel. Modern yet futuristic (laser gun an awesome momentary touch of “is this our world or the future of our world or what?”).
The page 2 dialogue (“Merchandise?”… “You sold my soul!”) is awesome. You get a lot of information out through their conversation, which doesn’t resort to saying when/where/how this soul was taken or sold. The ambiguity is a good thing – it adds a lot of depth, makes the story richer.
I’ve just read through it twice, trying to think if I’d have any recommendations to give you, and I really don’t. It’s good and it’s solid. The only thing was that I was confused in the beginning – did Matt get a message on his computer and that is what snapped him into action or did he have an inner realization about something? The script has him looking at the computer and then leaving and I was wondering what exactly made him decide to go.
Great! Thanks for reading, and I’m actually really happy to hear your thoughts about the dialogue. That’s always the part I’m the most unsure about, since capturing different people’s mannerisms and attitudes and whatnot seems to hang me up pretty often. Anyway, glad you liked that, you were actually the second person to say that, so I’m pretty proud of that.
As far as the beginning, the whole time (from the briefcases to the computer screen) Matt is basically tracking down the guy who stole his soul, and he’s supposed to have found out where the guy is, which is was springs him into action. It seems obvious now that something clarifying that’s what’s happening would be a good idea, I guess I was writing kinda for myself so I already knew what was happening. I’ll stick something in there and let ya know.
Thanks for the feedback!